Good grammar costs nothing, people...

but bad grammar can be seriously funny.

So, about 6 years ago, Listerine had this promotion where if you bought their mouthwash you got a free stopwatch/clock, presumably so you could time your swishing for the full 30 seconds. We got one. It came with instructions, which almost had me passing out from laughing so hard. I've kept them since then, fully intending to one day scan them and post on a web page.

Kurtis just found them (again), and I give up on scanning. I will now transcribe exactly what they say. Seriously.

(If you don't want to read it all, at least skip down to "NORMAL TIME SETTING". Please.)

(I swear, this is exactly the punctuation, spacing, etc. It's really too good to be true.)

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FUNCTION READING
Normal Display: Hour, minutes, seconds and day of week
Push A: For alarm time
Push B: Mode
Push C: For month, date, day of week
STOP FUNCTION
Push B for stop function
Push C for count & stop
Push A for lap & reset

ALARM & CHIME ON/OFF
Chime (******/[picture of bell]) on and off
In normal time hold A then push B.
When chime flag appears, chime is on; when chime flag disappears, chime is off
Alarm ([strange symbol]/[different strange symbol]) on and off
In normal time, hold A then push B
When alarm flag appears, alarm is on:
when alarm flag disappears, alarm is off

ALARM TIME SETTING
Hold B about 3 seconds or push B repeatedly.
Day of week flag above Monday flashes
Push C or A to change hour/minutes function, then advance figure by pushingA or C.
Push B to normal time.

NORMAL TIME SETTING
Hold B about 3 seconds or push B repeatedly.
Day of week flag above Tuesday flashes.
Select flashing digit(s) to be set by pushing C or A
Advance figure by pushing A or C
Select 12/24 hour cycle option in normal time.
Hold A then push B or when the time (hour) setting.
12/24 hour cycle option will appear alternately on every 24 hour cycle during hour advance Month and date interchange by holding C then pushing A
or cannot be changed.

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... OR CANNOT BE CHANGED!!!! Man, I just can't get over this. If I'm ever in a bad mood and you want to make me giggle, that's all you have to say.

.....now if only I'd gotten a picture of that old Burger King sign about getting your receipt....

...and, okay, while I was typing all this, Kurtis was doing something over my shoulder that I didn't really pay attention to. Turns out he was taking a picture, and it came out great, and I didn't really need to type all that, so here ya go:



He's really aggravating sometimes.