Hobbesian Opaqueness
"we stretch and retract, we come and we go
measuring actions and leaving alone
but my measure of truth is that I wander restless until you are close"
-Heather Styka
Thank you all so much for the emails and comments since my last couple of posts. I have to be a little oblique about things because I don't know who is potentially reading my blog. I know that a friend of mine got in trouble with his employer for posting his resume online, and I just don't want to cause a lot of stress at a time when I can't really take it. In fact, that little paragraph is probably a little much already.
Things are going much better now, though why I couldn't say, which is a little scary in its own right. One begins to wonder in these times why we cling to the myth that there is a singularity to a person that someone can get to know when inside we are full of such internal conflict. It's no wonder that our conceptions of each other, even the clearest ones, are so full of potential pain; we base our actions and relations on what we think are hints and clues to the psyche of others but which bear more resemblance to chaos.
It is in these moments (whether of clarity or obscurity I don't know) that I wonder exactly what it is to be known by God. I don't even know or understand myself all the time, and while I take comfort in feeling known by Sharon, if I don't even understand me from the inside how can her vision of me really be accurate? Does God see past the parts of me that are dying to see the "true me", or is it more complicated than that, like, God in His triune nature is better able to deal with the multiple warring factions within my mind and body in His knowledge of me?
If the latter, then I start to despair of ever really knowing what God (or anybody else) is like, because my faculties are so tuned to distillation and refinement: I sift and reject whatever is not simple in order to create a predictable theory of otherness.
All I can say is that thank God something so complex as salvation is not left to me.
"You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it rests in you."
measuring actions and leaving alone
but my measure of truth is that I wander restless until you are close"
-Heather Styka
Thank you all so much for the emails and comments since my last couple of posts. I have to be a little oblique about things because I don't know who is potentially reading my blog. I know that a friend of mine got in trouble with his employer for posting his resume online, and I just don't want to cause a lot of stress at a time when I can't really take it. In fact, that little paragraph is probably a little much already.
Things are going much better now, though why I couldn't say, which is a little scary in its own right. One begins to wonder in these times why we cling to the myth that there is a singularity to a person that someone can get to know when inside we are full of such internal conflict. It's no wonder that our conceptions of each other, even the clearest ones, are so full of potential pain; we base our actions and relations on what we think are hints and clues to the psyche of others but which bear more resemblance to chaos.
It is in these moments (whether of clarity or obscurity I don't know) that I wonder exactly what it is to be known by God. I don't even know or understand myself all the time, and while I take comfort in feeling known by Sharon, if I don't even understand me from the inside how can her vision of me really be accurate? Does God see past the parts of me that are dying to see the "true me", or is it more complicated than that, like, God in His triune nature is better able to deal with the multiple warring factions within my mind and body in His knowledge of me?
If the latter, then I start to despair of ever really knowing what God (or anybody else) is like, because my faculties are so tuned to distillation and refinement: I sift and reject whatever is not simple in order to create a predictable theory of otherness.
All I can say is that thank God something so complex as salvation is not left to me.
"You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it rests in you."
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home