Pride and Sin
"why are you so downcast, O my soul?
why so disturbed within me?
put your hope in God
my Savior, my King
when nothing satisfies you hold my hand"
-Jennifer Knapp, "When Nothing Satisfies"
I had lunch today with Pastor David Harstine, the pastor of our new church here in Grove City. The conversation (like many I have) ranged all over without a focus, but over the course of it I was reminded how much my perception of Christianity and sin in particular have changed over the last ten years or so.
When I was young in the church, things were always explained in the most abstract cosmic terms or in very specific warnings. We seem to shy away from recognizing our true fallenness, casting it in grand (but ultimately unhelpful) Miltonian terms or harping on sins that are more infamous. I remember in college sitting down with a campus minister who asked me what I was really struggling with, and I said pride. He responded, "you're kidding, right? You can be real with me Kurtis."
Don't get me wrong, I have struggled with a lot of things in life. I'm not going to put the laundry list here; some of you know them and those that don't can play along for now. The problem is that, truthfully, what affects my life (and the life of those around me) more than the individual indulgences of wrongness I've engaged in is the source of those indulgences: a very ego-centric, prideful view of life.
I'm not unique; on the contrary, this problem is quite common. Increasingly, for instance, I notice that pride and ego is a major factor in many of the technological obstacles that my employers face. I'll go further: I'd say that pride and ego are central to most of the hard to solve problems I've seen in software development. I doubt any of you would take issue with the statement that a huge bulk of marriage issues are caused by thinking of ourselves as entitled to certain things. One could recast many of the issues argued about in this last campaign as a war between perceived entitlements and personal "rights".
It's not just our culture. Our condition is one of myopia; so shortsighted in fact that we hardly ever even see outside ourselves at all.
Obviously this is an oversimplification of sin to call it all pride, but I was reminded today of how many problems humanistic philosophy tries to solve merely by turning our focus from ourselves to our common humanity, or that political orientation tries to solve by turning our attention from ourselves onto country. It is amusing that despite radically different world views atheist and agnostic and religious can agree that it is we, as selfish individuals, that are our own worst problem.
At Hyde Park Alliance, Jim Smith preached a sermon series on the seven deadly sins. On reflecting and praying about them, Trilisa commented that all the sins were really gluttony (an over-indulgence in an appetite) and I responded that all the sins were really lust (and indulgence in forbidden desire). Or maybe it was the other way around. On further reflection, we really saw that all the sins are all the sins (every sin is a lie of some kind, every sin is a murder of something, every sin is an idolaty, every sin is a despondency) and so it shouldn't surprise me that the bent-ness of the world around me makes me reflect on sin and pride. Every sin is pride, too. And vanity.
Turns out there really is something to original sin.
"Surely I was sinful from birth, from the time my mother conceived me"
-Psalm 51:5
why so disturbed within me?
put your hope in God
my Savior, my King
when nothing satisfies you hold my hand"
-Jennifer Knapp, "When Nothing Satisfies"
I had lunch today with Pastor David Harstine, the pastor of our new church here in Grove City. The conversation (like many I have) ranged all over without a focus, but over the course of it I was reminded how much my perception of Christianity and sin in particular have changed over the last ten years or so.
When I was young in the church, things were always explained in the most abstract cosmic terms or in very specific warnings. We seem to shy away from recognizing our true fallenness, casting it in grand (but ultimately unhelpful) Miltonian terms or harping on sins that are more infamous. I remember in college sitting down with a campus minister who asked me what I was really struggling with, and I said pride. He responded, "you're kidding, right? You can be real with me Kurtis."
Don't get me wrong, I have struggled with a lot of things in life. I'm not going to put the laundry list here; some of you know them and those that don't can play along for now. The problem is that, truthfully, what affects my life (and the life of those around me) more than the individual indulgences of wrongness I've engaged in is the source of those indulgences: a very ego-centric, prideful view of life.
I'm not unique; on the contrary, this problem is quite common. Increasingly, for instance, I notice that pride and ego is a major factor in many of the technological obstacles that my employers face. I'll go further: I'd say that pride and ego are central to most of the hard to solve problems I've seen in software development. I doubt any of you would take issue with the statement that a huge bulk of marriage issues are caused by thinking of ourselves as entitled to certain things. One could recast many of the issues argued about in this last campaign as a war between perceived entitlements and personal "rights".
It's not just our culture. Our condition is one of myopia; so shortsighted in fact that we hardly ever even see outside ourselves at all.
Obviously this is an oversimplification of sin to call it all pride, but I was reminded today of how many problems humanistic philosophy tries to solve merely by turning our focus from ourselves to our common humanity, or that political orientation tries to solve by turning our attention from ourselves onto country. It is amusing that despite radically different world views atheist and agnostic and religious can agree that it is we, as selfish individuals, that are our own worst problem.
At Hyde Park Alliance, Jim Smith preached a sermon series on the seven deadly sins. On reflecting and praying about them, Trilisa commented that all the sins were really gluttony (an over-indulgence in an appetite) and I responded that all the sins were really lust (and indulgence in forbidden desire). Or maybe it was the other way around. On further reflection, we really saw that all the sins are all the sins (every sin is a lie of some kind, every sin is a murder of something, every sin is an idolaty, every sin is a despondency) and so it shouldn't surprise me that the bent-ness of the world around me makes me reflect on sin and pride. Every sin is pride, too. And vanity.
Turns out there really is something to original sin.
"Surely I was sinful from birth, from the time my mother conceived me"
-Psalm 51:5
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